Hypothetically

A friend of mine recently said that “People want a warm, soft lie, when they should be getting the cold, hard truth” and I find this to be true of far too many people in my life. For longer than I could remember, the cold, hard truth was what I delivered to people and whether or not I thought they could “handle” it was of no concern to me. As I matured though, it made sense that I should be aware and cautious of what I said around and to people, but now I lose sleep over unspoken thoughts and opinions and I wonder if that was the wisest choice I could have made. And I wonder, hypothetically of course, are there some things better left unsaid? Or, are there some wars worth fighting and some tears worth crying?

Recently, I’ve begun to wonder exactly why it was that I finally started to say things “tactfully” –why I replaced the cold, hard truth with warm, soft lies. I believe it was because I knew and still know that should I speak my mind to certain people, we will likely cease to remain friends. Now I wonder, if I can’t speak my mind to a friend, is the relationship even worth maintaining? More and more frequently, the answer to this recurring question has been a resounding “NO;” yet still I find myself wondering if my tact in regards to my thoughts and formerly inevitable comments are better left unsaid. And while I’m not exactly talking about having diarrhea of the mouth and saying any and every statement, ignorant or not, that develops on the tip of my tongue, I do wonder what it’d be like if I spoke my mind, completely unconcerned about another’s feelings –if I administered the cold, hard truth like I once did.

As much as I would like to reduce the extent of my care and concern for others’, I can’t deny the fact that I do indeed care and because “nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having an opinion,” I wish that I possessed an attitude that was truly indifferent towards all, or at least most. I want to write this or that person off. I want to verbalize the notions in my mind and if the person can’t deal with it, I want to say “screw you” for a period of time that exceeds one week. I want to voice the cold, hard truth, unconcerned with that person’s emotions. I would love to truly not care about the course of actions that one takes or the idiotic things that they might say. To be so lacking of an opinion that my mind could finally find itself capable of rest would be a welcome occurrence. I want to be indifferent so that I could speak the truth without considering the other person’s feelings, but it’s just not possible. I have an opinion and I care too much to reveal the cold, hard truth to those who need to hear it.

Perhaps I’ll one day revert to those years when I spoke the cold, hard truth, because I was unaware of the fact that emotions were involved. Only when this happens, I’ll be fully aware of the person’s emotions –I’ll just be indifferent.